THE DAILY HECKLE - FRESH WITH ESH

Rebirth (or aftetrbirth...ew)

2010-03-04T20:58:00.001-08:00

Hello all, by all I mean all 4 followers. Of which I am probably one.

Anyway. This hasn't been updated in ages. And i was thinking, this is the daily heckle and it has been primarily lad for a while.

So i guess i am going to start posting more heckles from more subcultures.

when i get some pictures to back it all up.

maybe get some more people to lurk it too .

-SC-

lad day out.

2009-01-28T04:05:00.000-08:00

A subtle mall-lad lurks with his half-baked-lad boyfriends, who i suspect are in the devolutionary process of making the transition from general heckler to lad. Perhaps blue hat is the mentor, guiding his sub(-human)jects through the in's and out's of failing at life.

jpoel.

Big Day Out - A Heckle Haven

2009-01-26T21:02:00.000-08:00

By Klaus.

This year is oficially the last year I go to Big Day Out. I mean Neil Young and Little Red were fucking rad but the cons are easily beginning to outweigh the pros. I have been to the last four BDO's in a row and the crowds seem to get worse and worse along with the line up.

The reason for this is that the BDO attracts a different kind of heckler than which we have discussed on this blog - the bogan heckler. There were more bogans at BDO than a million sprintcar races at a million Parramatta Speedways. These hecklers aren't into nikefits and Tnz, they're all about AC/DC and wearing Australian flags around their necks. They get wasted before they even enter the gates at 11 am, and continue to get drunker and drunker and more violent as it gets hotter, and I get shouted at more and more until I eventually go on a tirade. These people are usually causcasian, have short hair, are tanned so that their skin looks like leather with tribal tattoos on it, wear board shorts and will generally smell like sweat and bourbon.

Somewhere in between the 2007 and 2008 BDO it became more acceptable to be a giant mound of drunk, angry, dancing fuckhead than to be a civillised music fan who stays in control and who should be allowed to see the bands that they paid for without being pushed around, even though a large factor that contributed to me staying in control was that I resent paying $6.50 for a can of Tooheys.

I went to BDO with my girlfriend and our best friends who are also a couple. It hadn't been an hour until a giant sweaty retard had run directly at my girlfriend, hitting her straight in the arm causing her to drop her drink, and kept running as if it never happened. It was a shit start to a shit day. It was even shitter because I had woken up dehydrated and we had to go late causing us to miss I Heart Hiroshima. It wasn't too much later that the heckling began behind the main stage area where some bogans dropped the never-old 'emo' bomb on me. I can't really go anywhere without being hated because of the tightness of my jeans. It is around this time that I realise that we aren't really safe anywhere.

Then there was the chavalanche that occurred when the Ting Tings came on and we desperately tried to escape through the emerging crowd of thousands of sweaty chavs so that we'd be anywhere apart from where the Ting Tings were, cause they're shit. During our slow escape, some tramp-stamped, leather bogan bitch called my girlfriend a mole. I politely told her to fuck off.

We desperately try to enjoy the bands but in the end, bogans will dance to anything. We feel like survivors in Dawn of the Dead. But we still haven't given up hope on BDO yet, no, that would take something completely heinous... oh yeah, the pasta incident... not to be confused with a Guns n' Roses album of a similar title.

It began to get dark, so we went to get food. I spent $8 on a shitty plate of pasta. It was gross but I was gonna eat it, well I was before a BOGAN CAME UP AND PUT HIS SWEATY GNARLY HAND RIGHT IN IT. He said "naaahh just kidding ay!". I was mortified. I snapped. The pasta went into the bin much like a visual metaphor of everything. My tirade began.

Luckily for us all the bogans had filled up the boiler room to wait for the Prodigy, which made Neil Young the only real artist of the day we were able to watch heckler free.

I would strongly advise NOT going to Big Day Out, its just not fun anymore. The fact that the line up gets worse by the year combined with the excruciating heat and sunlight combined with the drunk bogans who all want to kill you unless you're one of them makes the $130 it costs to go there definately NOT WORTH IT. You'll probably think "but you've only stated a few things that hecklers did to you, don't be such a pussy". Well you don't understand the constant fear of whats going to happen next. The constant fear that fills you whenever you're near someone. If you're planning on going next year then you'd better get a tan on, invest in a southern cross tattoo and Australian flag, and start listening to Cog. Cause its the only way you're gonna survive it.

I hope you enjoyed my novel.

The "Pa pa pa pa" incident (The Heckler becomes the Heckled)

2009-01-25T21:13:00.000-08:00

I figured it was time to tell the story of the "pa pa pa pa" incident.

(I will refer to it as the Pa^4 incident from now on)

The Pa^4 incident was first mentioned by my cohort Klaus back in his ''Lad Anthropology'' post but it happened back in '08 around the end of TAFE.

So Klaus, Jpoel and I are walking down a street just off from Ultimo TAFE in the afternoon. We had finished for the day and were making the pilgramige to central.

We were all sporting a pair of tight denims and maybe even a black t'shirt here and there. The hair involved either a fringe or morrisey quiff and I had a Skateboard (Jpoel may have also)

So down the street we walk when up next to us rolls a car, the driver looks across and out to me and yells, while patting his forehead where a fringe would be, "Oi Mate! Got a bit of the pa pa pa pa"

I was taken aback by this unexpected heckle and the sheer stupidity of his comment. I replied with an extremely witty "What"

The heckler preceded with his comment "got a bit of the pa pa pa pa"

At this point i realised i didn't misunderstand him and that he was actually saying "Pa". Once again I mustered all my wit and threw back a "What's wrong" this time laughing.

So the call an response of "Pa^4" and "Whats wrong" went on a few more times until we cam to the end of out footpath

So Klaus, Jpoel and I are waiting to cross the road and the heckle car is waiting to turn right.

The heckle continued at the lights

As the Heckle car turned the corner I did something that the hecklers didn't expect and that i should do more often

I ran onto the road at the car with my skateboard like a bat. The driver (and heckler) had his window down and was leaning out of it a bit (half to be cool, half to heckle).

So I ran at the exposed driver and swung at his face area. I stopped before it hit him and then looked into the car.

The driver had honestly ended up on the centre console due to his epic flinch. Everyone in the car was laughing at him (three other passengers) So Jpoel, Klaus and me joined in.

To make this event even better the heckler/driver stalled his manual in the middle of the road, got tooted by multiple cars, laughed at by multiple pedestrians and friends and Us.

His final masterfull heckle.... "FUCK YOU, YOU AUSSIE CUNTS!!"

This gave me much enjoyment as the heckler never expected the skinny, tight jeaned Faggot to fight back.

-Space Cadet out-

Another Devolution of the LAD. Introducing the MALL LAD.

2009-01-25T17:25:00.000-08:00

"nice pantz ya faggot i'l hitcha wiv mi baseball bat kunt"

The fail that lay before you is known as the Mall Lad, or, Fluro Lad. It should be noted that this particular pre-teen specimen is also somewhat jocular in appearance, and has managed to colour coordinate a wonderful Auzzie pride theme.

This colourfull creature is the result of the disease that is the lad trend working its way into the mainstream of youth culture. The distinctive difference with these lads is there non-conventional colour filled lad-wear, diverging from the classic white and black shirts/jumpers, and striped polo's. These lads wear solid colour non-polo shirts in lurid attention seeking hue's. Resembling a cross between the standard Mall Surf Heckler (specimen coming soon) and the Classic Lad, they are the latest and most fail trend to infest a mall near you, and in some locations their population is concentrated in unbearably high numbers, (Narrellan Town Center food court [on the weekend]).

jpoel.

'eshay lad'

2009-01-20T22:56:00.000-08:00

i just came across this stunning lad rendition on the Youtube.

the exceptional shuffle/walk is a notable highlight.

jpoel.

Blatant Fail, but they still laugh?

2009-01-17T01:28:00.000-08:00

So I haven't posted for a bit. This time of year can be pretty busy, for shops and shoppers but also hecklers.

So I am out with a pretty girl, we are sitting on a park bench just finished lunch and are chilling out, kinda close.

From the bushes I hear an "Oi, Buddy!". A heckle was imminent.

So I stand up, (as does my date suspecting a friend or something as she is not yet acustom to my heckle aura), and I see a group of 10 ish young males with one or two females, they looked like the body boarder type.

I make eye contact with the speaker and he says "You're a faggot bro"

I thanked him for his opinion and proceeded to ride my lollercoaster.

I don't know why the kid continued on his heckle, maybe because he didn't want to back down from his heckle and look like a potato in front of his friends or maybe it has something to do with the odd, seemingly endless amounts of confidence possesed by hecklers the world over.

This experience reminds me of another story where a friend of mine experienced a similar heckle whilst with a girl, he grabbed her and started making out with her in front of the hecklers, and when he was done they had split in order to save face.

Maybe the only reason i didn't follow this course of action is because I was so taken back by the oxymoronic stupidity of this child, such a blatant fail.

-Space cadet out-

epic gathering of pre-teen lad wanabe's

2008-12-12T00:43:00.000-08:00

Naw there trying so hard to pull off the lad image, as dero and irrelevantly seedy as they may be, they have all failed.

The shorts are Almost there, (except board-short bill, what was he thinking?), a few have the Nike caps going, i see one with a polo type shirt, and the Australian flag even makes a couple appearances, but there's just not enough prominent lad features for them to achieve true lad status.

So lets just lol at there lame attempt and hope that one day flag boy dies of lung cancer, or maybe hes just going Grey and that's actually a fad in his mouth, either way, that kid = epic fail.

Haha oh and check out that kids (far left) attempt at a lad bag, hes got it so close but its just so wrong, hilarious.

jpoel.

Nautica adlay!

2008-12-10T19:54:00.000-08:00

By Klaus.

Why do lads love nautica so much? I'd really love to know but the only way to find out would to be to go up to one of those fuckers and ask them. One of my friends was even punched in the ear by a she-lad for supposedly 'gronking the nautica' as she put it.

Apparently lads will punch ears to defend nautica.

I have been to various big department stores and seen the nautica areas and the posters for their shit. The top picture is a nautica model. The picture below is the people who end up wearing nautica. The model shows us the intended target market, which is guys with feathered hair on boats; yet somehow something has been lost in translation and the shirts you see on the models end up being worn by lumbering retards with the collars popped. Nautica is for guys who own yachts and shiny watches, not for guys who own some 'tecci's' and someone else's phone.

The Similarities and Differences between Lads and Tony Montana

2008-12-10T17:00:00.000-08:00

By Klaus.

All lads love Scarface. Especially the Italian ones who believe they can identify with Tony Montana because of his race. The hilarity of this is that Tony Montana is in fact Cuban and lads still haven’t worked this out. We see lads walking around with their ‘The World is Yours’ shirts usually obscured by jackets made out of the same shit that parachutes are made from, which raises a different question – if a lad falls over, will he take longer to hit the ground than others?

Lads think they can identify with Tony Montana’s ‘rags to riches’ story, and I think that this is funny. Here are the similarities and differences between lads and Tony Montana.

Similarities

- Both Tony and lads injure people.

- They both deal drugs, except when Tony deals, he wears a suit. Not track pants with one leg rolled up. Seriously, what the fuck is up with the one pant leg thing?

- Fuck all else.

Differences

- Tony is rich.

- Tony is successful.

- Tony is badass.

- Tony’s motto of “first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women” is fulfilled. These three things are unattainable as no one carries enough money in their wallets for lads to steal. And if the first step is not complete then the power and the women won’t follow.

- Tony deals in large quantities of pure, uncut cocaine. Lads deal in small quantities of ajax and grass clippings.

- When Tony heckles, he does so after exploding someone’s head. This is cool.

- Tony is never seen wearing a bum bag. Especially around his shoulder.

- Tony ‘pushes it to the limit’. Lad’s step up to the limit, get scared and drive away.

- The insult of ‘cock-a-roach’ is way cooler than ‘gronk’.

De-evolution of the She-Lad

2008-12-10T02:27:00.000-08:00

I believe this to be the earlier featured she lad or lass.

Last time we encountered this fine* specimen she wasn't as drastically lad.

Now we see how quickly the lad virus can take control.

The hat is right on

The shirt is polo AND striped

the shorts are black, reflective and seemingly the swooshiest shorts ever manufactured

She has even attained a stupid, if not provocative, hand pose.

The feet are naked, this could be because all the half price baby TNz sold out and she could not afford full price

this picture shows us that the infection advances faster then first thouhgt, or hoped. If you become infected the best method is euthenasia. Be sure to do this before you become contagious and infect your loved ones, because they become sick lads afterwards, they are no longer mummy and daddy.

-Space Cadet Out-

Introducing The "Jock Lad, A Hybrid Heckler"

2008-12-10T02:02:00.000-08:00

Check this specimen out!

-Singlet,
-NikeFit,
-Redundant Hand gesture,
-Retarded Facial contortion,
-Southern cross tattoo,
-Identifies first and foremost as a lad,
-Aggressive headline suggesting obtuse masculinity,
-"reppin" his postcode

and

he is only 14

This kid is gunning for head lad and the way he is going then he is sure to be at the top of ranks within the year.

There are only a few things that may bring about a different outcome:

1: His "hard as concrete" lad buddies may discover that his "aussie pride" is only "henna pride" because mum wouldn't let him get a real one, or one star is real but the rest is fake because he couldn't handle the pain (more concrete needed)

2: His paradoxical and artsy mood statement. He has contradicted the entire system and presented a statement with no logical conclusion. I do not believe that this was done intentionally because as Klaus said "smart lad" is an oxymoron, the oxymoron. But his lad buddies may not be as benevolent.

My one fear is that blog may increase "jake sara's (manly name)" notoriety which would help him soar to new heights of ladism.

-Space Cadet out-

half the price, double the disgrace. Tnz4ToDDLerZ

2008-12-10T01:57:00.000-08:00

Seriously, the people of Nike should be ashamed of themselves.

Arent there already enough lads on this planet?! I definetly think so, and im pretty sure 99% of people agree.

Here we have 'baby Nike Tnz'. Small enough to almost fit a newborn. We came across these out the FRONT of a well known chain footwear shop, on sale and in almost ever colour you can imagine. Even half price to catch the interest of the campbelltown lad/she-lad.

It is almost as if Nike are trying to initiate a baby-lad boom, providing one of the main accessories needed to become a pint size lad. We do not need this. If this fail retail continues, the first word of babies all over the world may very well end up being, "cunt" "sikladd" or even "eshayzadlays". No Thanks.

Lad Anthropology

2008-12-10T01:11:00.000-08:00

Lad Anthropology.

By Klaus.

My Name is Klaus. I am another contributor to this blog. I have changed my name.

I will be teaching lessons on lad anthropology so that we can all gain insight on the lad psyche. I have never been a lad myself; I have gained all my knowledge of lads by the fact that I am heckled everyday and have been mugged.

Lesson 1 – The Evolution of Lads.

It is a fact that Lads are the result of the devolution of the human race.
It has been said that the first lads in Sydney appeared in the Drummoyne area, near the McDonalds. Lads can still be spotted gathering there with their shit cars that go ‘vrvrvrvrvvrvrCHHHHHHHvrvrvrvvrvrvrv’ when they change gears.
Lads are from all different races. Except possibly Finland, Norway and Iceland.
Lads speak in a constant stream of bullshit words that make less sense by the week. Soon they will resort to grunts and hand actions. We have already seen signs of this during the famous ‘pa pa pa pa’ heckle.
Lad language has also been known to consist of short, yelled sentences that cancel themselves out e.g. “SUCK MY BALLS, FAGGOT”.
The term ‘smart lad’ will forever remain an oxymoron.

Lesson 2 – The Psychology of Lads.

Lads believe that rightfully, what’s yours is in fact theirs.
Something in the lad psyche makes them have a similar reaction to tight jeans that bulls have to the colour red. Possibly because tight jeans show off my package ever so slightly, and this makes them feel uncomfortable and slightly erect.
Making eye contact with a lad, even if its 0.0000001 seconds long, can warrant pain.
Lads have a child-like tendency to draw on walls.
Lads believe that all haircuts that do not end with ‘ullet’ are gay and/or emo.
Lads are pack animals. They are highly feeble by themselves.
They can fit their entire gang into tiny cars like clowns.
Once they are in their cars they believe they are invincible and can say anything to anyone because of the ‘king shit of fuck mountain’ complex they all have. 100% of the time however, they speed off in fear after shouting at people.
Lads listen to hip hop, trance and happy hardcore. They believe that songs like “Fuck Tha Police” by NWA apply to them. Songs such as this were written by African Americans in the 90s as they faced TRUE OPPRESSION. Lads aren’t punished by the police nearly enough.
Lads actually enjoy the music of Souljah Boy.
Lads call “fucking Aussie cunts” like me racist.
Lads are scared of skateboards.
All lads own some form of Xbox.

the heckle.

2008-12-07T23:35:00.000-08:00

Here we have a fine example of a lad 'heckle'.

It was lunchtime at school, and as part of my groups daily routine, we retire to our usual meeting spot. We sit down and begin our conversing.

All of a sudden, drawing closer and closer were a group of lads. WE made the crucial mistake of making eye contact with them. THEY think that slight eye contact means an invitation to come sit with us, heckle, and join our conversation. Notice the main one in the middle wearing his fresh blue nikefit, sporting seedy as fuck adolescent facial hair.

Why do these pathetic excuses of human beings think its 'cool' or 'FRESH' to harrass complete strangers? Do they not have as many friends as they wish, therefore ride on the hope believing that if they make pathetic conversation or remarks about others that they are either a) making a new friend or b) impressing their other scummer friends? No one will ever know. Lads may very well be complex creatures without us even knowing.

Notable Features: This photo demonstrates a prime example of lad stance, (the seedily slumped figure lurking center of frame).

What?! They have a girl version as well?

2008-12-06T03:56:00.000-08:00

Pictured: The Female equivalent of the lad. Sometimes reffered to as a "lass" or in my preference, a "she lad"

-Notice the adidas tracksuit with either too short pants or that badass "kinda bunched up" thing going on (i thought just one leg was the thing to do..?)

-You will also notice the clashing of big name sports brands with ADIDAS up top, and nike down below. Where exactly do you stand in the eternal struggle for fitness attire brand loyalty, mighty she lad??.

However the most curious thing in this photo isn't the look that seems to sum up every lad phrase and action from ESHAYYZZ *flips off* to fuck you cunt, no. It is the fact the the trendy action of leaving the straps open on those AF1's has been overlooked. very odd indeed

-In summation the lass or she lad is a very curious specimen, who is not to be taken lightly she is still a lad.

Sick Lad, Photo Op in Mums living room! Shayyzz

2008-12-06T00:04:00.000-08:00

Eshayyyz. hhhhh take a mad otoPhay near Mums sick couch ayyeee!?

Yeah lad! Wate for me to lyk put on ma shirt dat lyk matches da feature wall aye Lad

Oi ur legs look mad smooth aye cunt, Lyk did u use da godess razr i lent u lad?

Tru Lad!

Oi! Fuk Dis cameras self timer aye lad.

Ye cunt! Oi lets fucking flip it ayee

On three say Shayyzyzzzzysyzyz Cunt!!

1

2

3

FAIL

Oi sik foto lads.

Lets lyk get offf da shag pile ugRay bruz b4 mum Gets home and yells aye?

Yeah woodnt wanna deck her again aye lad!

Low fashion (because it's on there feet...lol)

2008-12-05T23:49:00.000-08:00

Here we see a lad symbol, almost as common as the southern cross tattoodle.

Notice the colour coordination between sock and shoe accent as seen on 2nd from the left. ashionFay Skillz eshayyz !!

Do they ever grow out of it?

2008-12-05T23:15:00.000-08:00

Pictured: A daddy Lad.

-Here you can see a daddy lad inflicting his life of "ayingspray the aintrays" and "Nike Fits" on his young and innocent children.

-There is a chance the kids belong to some sort of re-lad-itive as not all women find "the lad" attractive and swooshy shorts have been know to lead to infertility.
-This scene also disproves natural selection (sorry darwin)

the signature lad branding.

2008-12-05T23:12:00.000-08:00

need i say more?

newly recruited lad, still in training, yet to acheive ratty status

2008-12-05T22:44:00.000-08:00

This here is your basic lad. Included is the:

- distinctive nikefit (white being the original preference of lad)

- rabens (in most lad cases, footwear consists of nike Tnz. This lad has chosen the alternative)

- Trackpants. Speak for themselves.

- That pose the lad society seem to find compelling. Fact of the matter is that all it seems to do is accentuate the dickhead-ness even more. Sorry guys.

..............and again

2008-12-05T22:31:00.000-08:00

baby lad: shuu brah, reckon that full pink tank can lyk fit in my fresh bum bag yer know what i mean? ma aint got her dole dis week nd chyanne needs a nu one.

pubescent lad: broH shut the fukup im busy havin a heckle at the dog.

so young, yet so lad

2008-12-05T22:13:00.000-08:00

baby lad : ahhh shaayz cuz, reckon we could full like get dis puppy and like set in on fire or sum shit and lyk throw it on the train track yer know what i mean braH?

pubescent lad: ahh yerrr like shayz we can full like get it dingin on e before it full gets on fire yer know wat i meaan?

both: shaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyzyzyzyzzzz.

An Introduction

2008-12-05T17:45:00.000-08:00

Photos and written accounts of Lad and Heckler encounters.

So, what exactly is a 'lad'? :

An Australian term used to describe teenagers who wear a nautica, polo or nike white hat, tilted upright revealing the front of their hair with the strap at the back done up tight so it is dangling out the back, a striped polo or nautica shirt with the collar popped and either saucony or nautica trackies or shorts, topped off with nike Tnz which are fresh. These lads think they are tough but are generally small and skinny and travel in packs trying to roll other innocent bystanders for their worth. In almost every case the typical lad hairstlye consists of a dirty rats tail that dangles from the back of there caps.

The lad threatened the innocent bystander by saying 'Wat bra! i'll shank ya lad', after completing his theft he headed up to a blank wall and began to graffiti.