lad day out.

A subtle mall-lad lurks with his half-baked-lad boyfriends, who i suspect are in the devolutionary process of making the transition from general heckler to lad. Perhaps blue hat is the mentor, guiding his sub(-human)jects through the in's and out's of failing at life.

jpoel.

Big Day Out - A Heckle Haven

By Klaus.

This year is oficially the last year I go to Big Day Out. I mean Neil Young and Little Red were fucking rad but the cons are easily beginning to outweigh the pros. I have been to the last four BDO's in a row and the crowds seem to get worse and worse along with the line up.

The reason for this is that the BDO attracts a different kind of heckler than which we have discussed on this blog - the bogan heckler. There were more bogans at BDO than a million sprintcar races at a million Parramatta Speedways. These hecklers aren't into nikefits and Tnz, they're all about AC/DC and wearing Australian flags around their necks. They get wasted before they even enter the gates at 11 am, and continue to get drunker and drunker and more violent as it gets hotter, and I get shouted at more and more until I eventually go on a tirade. These people are usually causcasian, have short hair, are tanned so that their skin looks like leather with tribal tattoos on it, wear board shorts and will generally smell like sweat and bourbon.

Somewhere in between the 2007 and 2008 BDO it became more acceptable to be a giant mound of drunk, angry, dancing fuckhead than to be a civillised music fan who stays in control and who should be allowed to see the bands that they paid for without being pushed around, even though a large factor that contributed to me staying in control was that I resent paying $6.50 for a can of Tooheys.

I went to BDO with my girlfriend and our best friends who are also a couple. It hadn't been an hour until a giant sweaty retard had run directly at my girlfriend, hitting her straight in the arm causing her to drop her drink, and kept running as if it never happened. It was a shit start to a shit day. It was even shitter because I had woken up dehydrated and we had to go late causing us to miss I Heart Hiroshima. It wasn't too much later that the heckling began behind the main stage area where some bogans dropped the never-old 'emo' bomb on me. I can't really go anywhere without being hated because of the tightness of my jeans. It is around this time that I realise that we aren't really safe anywhere.

Then there was the chavalanche that occurred when the Ting Tings came on and we desperately tried to escape through the emerging crowd of thousands of sweaty chavs so that we'd be anywhere apart from where the Ting Tings were, cause they're shit. During our slow escape, some tramp-stamped, leather bogan bitch called my girlfriend a mole. I politely told her to fuck off.

We desperately try to enjoy the bands but in the end, bogans will dance to anything. We feel like survivors in Dawn of the Dead. But we still haven't given up hope on BDO yet, no, that would take something completely heinous... oh yeah, the pasta incident... not to be confused with a Guns n' Roses album of a similar title.

It began to get dark, so we went to get food. I spent $8 on a shitty plate of pasta. It was gross but I was gonna eat it, well I was before a BOGAN CAME UP AND PUT HIS SWEATY GNARLY HAND RIGHT IN IT. He said "naaahh just kidding ay!". I was mortified. I snapped. The pasta went into the bin much like a visual metaphor of everything. My tirade began.

Luckily for us all the bogans had filled up the boiler room to wait for the Prodigy, which made Neil Young the only real artist of the day we were able to watch heckler free.

I would strongly advise NOT going to Big Day Out, its just not fun anymore. The fact that the line up gets worse by the year combined with the excruciating heat and sunlight combined with the drunk bogans who all want to kill you unless you're one of them makes the $130 it costs to go there definately NOT WORTH IT. You'll probably think "but you've only stated a few things that hecklers did to you, don't be such a pussy". Well you don't understand the constant fear of whats going to happen next. The constant fear that fills you whenever you're near someone. If you're planning on going next year then you'd better get a tan on, invest in a southern cross tattoo and Australian flag, and start listening to Cog. Cause its the only way you're gonna survive it.

I hope you enjoyed my novel.

The "Pa pa pa pa" incident (The Heckler becomes the Heckled)

I figured it was time to tell the story of the "pa pa pa pa" incident.

(I will refer to it as the Pa^4 incident from now on)

The Pa^4 incident was first mentioned by my cohort Klaus back in his ''Lad Anthropology'' post but it happened back in '08 around the end of TAFE.

So Klaus, Jpoel and I are walking down a street just off from Ultimo TAFE in the afternoon. We had finished for the day and were making the pilgramige to central.

We were all sporting a pair of tight denims and maybe even a black t'shirt here and there. The hair involved either a fringe or morrisey quiff and I had a Skateboard (Jpoel may have also)

So down the street we walk when up next to us rolls a car, the driver looks across and out to me and yells, while patting his forehead where a fringe would be, "Oi Mate! Got a bit of the pa pa pa pa"

I was taken aback by this unexpected heckle and the sheer stupidity of his comment. I replied with an extremely witty "What"

The heckler preceded with his comment "got a bit of the pa pa pa pa"

At this point i realised i didn't misunderstand him and that he was actually saying "Pa". Once again I mustered all my wit and threw back a "What's wrong" this time laughing.

So the call an response of "Pa^4" and "Whats wrong" went on a few more times until we cam to the end of out footpath

So Klaus, Jpoel and I are waiting to cross the road and the heckle car is waiting to turn right.

The heckle continued at the lights

As the Heckle car turned the corner I did something that the hecklers didn't expect and that i should do more often

I ran onto the road at the car with my skateboard like a bat. The driver (and heckler) had his window down and was leaning out of it a bit (half to be cool, half to heckle).

So I ran at the exposed driver and swung at his face area. I stopped before it hit him and then looked into the car.

The driver had honestly ended up on the centre console due to his epic flinch. Everyone in the car was laughing at him (three other passengers) So Jpoel, Klaus and me joined in.

To make this event even better the heckler/driver stalled his manual in the middle of the road, got tooted by multiple cars, laughed at by multiple pedestrians and friends and Us.

His final masterfull heckle.... "FUCK YOU, YOU AUSSIE CUNTS!!"

This gave me much enjoyment as the heckler never expected the skinny, tight jeaned Faggot to fight back.

-Space Cadet out-

Another Devolution of the LAD. Introducing the MALL LAD.

"nice pantz ya faggot i'l hitcha wiv mi baseball bat kunt"

The fail that lay before you is known as the Mall Lad, or, Fluro Lad. It should be noted that this particular pre-teen specimen is also somewhat jocular in appearance, and has managed to colour coordinate a wonderful Auzzie pride theme.

This colourfull creature is the result of the disease that is the lad trend working its way into the mainstream of youth culture. The distinctive difference with these lads is there non-conventional colour filled lad-wear, diverging from the classic white and black shirts/jumpers, and striped polo's. These lads wear solid colour non-polo shirts in lurid attention seeking hue's. Resembling a cross between the standard Mall Surf Heckler (specimen coming soon) and the Classic Lad, they are the latest and most fail trend to infest a mall near you, and in some locations their population is concentrated in unbearably high numbers, (Narrellan Town Center food court [on the weekend]).

jpoel.

'eshay lad'

i just came across this stunning lad rendition on the Youtube.

the exceptional shuffle/walk is a notable highlight.

jpoel.

Blatant Fail, but they still laugh?

So I haven't posted for a bit. This time of year can be pretty busy, for shops and shoppers but also hecklers.

So I am out with a pretty girl, we are sitting on a park bench just finished lunch and are chilling out, kinda close.

From the bushes I hear an "Oi, Buddy!". A heckle was imminent.

So I stand up, (as does my date suspecting a friend or something as she is not yet acustom to my heckle aura), and I see a group of 10 ish young males with one or two females, they looked like the body boarder type.

I make eye contact with the speaker and he says "You're a faggot bro"

I thanked him for his opinion and proceeded to ride my lollercoaster.

I don't know why the kid continued on his heckle, maybe because he didn't want to back down from his heckle and look like a potato in front of his friends or maybe it has something to do with the odd, seemingly endless amounts of confidence possesed by hecklers the world over.

This experience reminds me of another story where a friend of mine experienced a similar heckle whilst with a girl, he grabbed her and started making out with her in front of the hecklers, and when he was done they had split in order to save face.

Maybe the only reason i didn't follow this course of action is because I was so taken back by the oxymoronic stupidity of this child, such a blatant fail.

-Space cadet out-

epic gathering of pre-teen lad wanabe's

Naw there trying so hard to pull off the lad image, as dero and irrelevantly seedy as they may be, they have all failed.

The shorts are Almost there, (except board-short bill, what was he thinking?), a few have the Nike caps going, i see one with a polo type shirt, and the Australian flag even makes a couple appearances, but there's just not enough prominent lad features for them to achieve true lad status.

So lets just lol at there lame attempt and hope that one day flag boy dies of lung cancer, or maybe hes just going Grey and that's actually a fad in his mouth, either way, that kid = epic fail.

Haha oh and check out that kids (far left) attempt at a lad bag, hes got it so close but its just so wrong, hilarious.

jpoel.